One toxic behavior kills relationships, leading happiness expert warns

Most people spend their lives chasing happiness — or, more often, running from unhappiness — whether it’s through healthy coping methods or unhealthy escape routes.

Behavioral scientist and happiness expert Arthur Brooks, professor at the Harvard Kennedy School in Cambridge, Massachusetts, spoke with Fox News Digital in an interview about the balance between happiness and unhappiness.

“They are actually processed in different hemispheres of the brain, and you need both,” he said. 

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“You need to have a lot of happiness such that you can have a good life, and you need unhappiness because it’s a signal that there are things out there you need to be paying attention to,” Brooks went on. 

“If you never had any negative emotions, you’d be dead in a week. That’s the truth of the matter.”

Young father feeling overwhelmed while working from home, glancing at his laptop as his wife and daughter play together in the kitchen, struggling with work-life balance (iStock)

It’s important to manage negative emotions, especially for people who tend to experience them more intensely — often called “high negative affect” individuals, according to the expert.

There are some unhealthy ways to manage negative affect, such as indulging in drugs and alcohol and using technology as a distraction.

“Like scrolling Instagram and looking at these platforms, just trying to get out of your head, not being in the moment to distract yourself from things that are actually bothering you,” Brooks said.

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One of the worst ways to manage negative emotion is through constant, excessive work, or what Brooks calls “workaholism.”

“Most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life that they don’t like,” he noted.

The expert suggested managing stress and anxiety through physical activity or spiritual connection instead of work. (iStock)

“And they know they’re super good at work … and they can get into kind of a zone when they’re working, and they don’t think about the things they don’t want to be thinking about. That’s where workaholism generally comes from.”

Brooks noted that there are “very few workaholics” today who are required by a boss to work “too much,” although this can happen. More commonly, it’s driven by a personal push to work harder. “Most workaholics are their own tyrannical bosses,” he added.

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Workaholism can lead to severed relationships with loved ones, from spouses to parents to children, Brooks warned.

“There’s never been a workaholic who had functional relationships,” he said.

“There’s never been a workaholic who had functional relationships,” the expert said.  (iStock)

Brooks encouraged those who engage in excessive work, and can sense it’s “hurting” their relationships, to reflect and question, “Why am I actually doing that?”

“[You] need to do something to manage anxiety in a more productive way,” he advised.

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Instead of numbing or running from anxiety or negative thoughts, Brooks suggested tried-and-true practices for mood management, including exercise and metaphysical or spiritual connection.

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“The two best ways for you to manage your anxiety — get in touch with your faith or spirituality and go pick up heavy things and run around,” he said. 

“Physical activity and exercise and spiritual activity … They’re a heck of a lot better for your mental health, including your relationships.”